Monday, May 30, 2011

You carried the cross of my shame

I want to talk very honestly. Forgive me if the mood is dark or shameful, but this is a topic I find very close to my heart.

I want to take a look through the eyes of JUDAS. 

JUDAS…

How many of us HATE Judas? Just look at the way he is portrayed, in the Gospels, in paintings and more recently in films. 

I was taught from a very young age about this dark, deceitful, greedy little man who, in a moment of blatant self-preservation, deceived our almighty-bright-and-shiny saviour.
That’s it, end of story… See you on Easter Sunday, and make sure you read your bible and pray before you brush your teeth. Amen

But more recently I started looking a bit closer. And this is MY interpretation of events, and it is how I am able to find some hope in this passage.

I started by giving the poor guy a chance to explain. He’s had a bit of a rough ride in his own journey, as well as throughout christian history. I mean can you even begin to imagine the torment, the anguish, the pain and the confusion going through his mind? Can you even fathom the sinking feeling that you had been responsible for the arrest, and ultimately death of your HERO? Besides which, we’re not supposed to be the judges anyway right? Let’s here what he has to say…




One of the thoughts I’ve picked up from some wise people recently is that Judas was quite likely a political activist of some sort. Pushing hard, possibly even violently for revolution against the oppressive Roman government of the time. 


Sound familiar?

Perhaps, like a lot of people in his day, he assumed this “New Kingdom” that Jesus was proclaiming was a political reality. 


Viva bra Jesus, viva!?

It seems to me that he wanted Jesus to make His big move. The moment when the revolution kicks off. If he could push Jesus into action, then…

Perhaps he EVEN felt like he was chosen to kick things off? Given the nod from Jesus, saying… “It is time.”

The fact is, Jesus DID have a plan. But it was not to be the way Judas understood.

Now this may explain a little about why this means so much to me. You’d probably be shocked to hear me say honestly, out of all the perspectives of Jesus we see, this one is me. I am Judas.

I too find this constant need to understand EVERY detail. I always THINK I know what God is doing, or that I may know better and so act prematurely. Sometimes, maybe even often, the things I do can be seen as mistakes. I’m often left thinking to myself, “If ONLY I’d known…”

It sometimes takes me back to Ecclesiastes, you know.. “Its all useless, everything is useless.” (click here to read the passage)


The writer goes on to say that pretty much no matter what we do, life will always have it's ups & downs. If we work really hard, we miss out the fun. If we have too much fun, we miss out on our life's purpose. I kinda see the whole book as an old testament blog of this dude saying, "What on earth am I supposed to do? God please just freakin' TELL me the meaning of life!"
It all makes no sense…

But I have my purpose.

What happened to Judas was pivotal in our faith today. Can you imagine if he’d been our “goody-two shoes” disciple and never betrayed Jesus? We can’t say for sure, but perhaps we wouldn’t be basing our faith around Jesus’ crucifixion.

Even Judas has his purpose.

I like to believe that just as much as He did for Judas, Jesus LOVES me too. Just as much as He did for Judas, Jesus FORGIVES me too. And just as much as He did for Judas, Jesus DIED for me too.

Just as much as He did for Judas, Jesus CHOOSES me too.

Even though I don’t really understand Him, even though I have made dreadful mistakes, and EVEN THOUGH I still continually search for this “meaning that Jesus is meant to bring into my life.

Jesus has, and will STILL save me…

Even though I still haven’t found what I’m looking for in this confusing, complex, mysterious Rubik's Cube life that God insists on us finding our own key to, instead of just giving away the answer(s).

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